MIKE: A lot of people will think that I am cruel or selfish for putting my parents through this. My dad's favorite saying is that, "whatever it is, it can't be too bad to tell God." And my father's like God to me, only he doesn't have a beard like God does.

DIANE: The love that Mike and I share actually feels stronger having gone through this together. For some reason I find myself staring at his ass lately.

MIKE: For a minute, I felt sorry for my parents and thought about telling them something else instead, like I was adopted. Not until it was over. But that would be terrible planning. After all, they would know if I was adopted so it wouldn't have the desired effect. After I finally explained to them what Diane and I were going to do, how we were going to have someone take pictures and put them on the internet while I put my penis into Diane's rectum until I have an orgasm (and maybe until she has one), then they had these wonderful expressions on their faces.

DIANE: I felt horrible. Mike's mom started to cry. His dad was looking at me funny, like my sixth grade math teacher used to look at me after class when I was talking to him about my grades. Mike's dad asked us whose idea this was.

MIKE: I told him it was both of ours, but that I was really just following orders. I figured that would get me off the hook if he decided I had done something morally or ethically despicable..

DIANE: His dad all of a sudden got teary-eyed and started rambling about how when he and Mike's mom first had sex it was in the ass too, and how the other priests were watching so it was almost like the internet. Mike's mom looked awful embarassed at that and she ran out of the room. I thought it was a beautiful, educational moment.

MIKE: My dad and I got into the biggest argument that we have ever had. He kept saying that it was his turn first, something about "droit de seigneur" that I didn't understand. He was a bit stoned, and he always gets incoherent then. After a while he took a swing at me.

DIANE: He would have hit Mike pretty hard if he had actually connected.

MIKE: Yeah, luckily the old bastard was too stoned. But he calmed down a lot after I tripped him and he hit his head against Mom's crystal egg collection. I spent the night at the drive-in. Hopefully, in a few days, things will simmer down.