JEREMIAS: My crew and I stepped outside for a second. When we returned, Mike was still in the bathroom and his Mom had gone to help him.

DIANE: I tried a little small talk with his dad and found out that they thought we were going to tell them we were going to have a baby.

MIKE: I finally came back with my Mom. I tried to explain things to my parents, but halfway through, I realized I was so horny I had to jerk off right then, so I ran to the bathroom again.

DIANE: His mom followed him to make sure he was okay, to see if she could help. Then his dad asked me "have you heard of 'droit de seigneur'?" I still don't know what that means.

MIKE: Sometimes he creeps me out. He's like a, like a creepy old man sometimes.

DIANE: When Mike and his mom came back, he squeezed my hand, but I was really nervous.

MIKE: I told them that I love Diane deeply, and that they know we will be moving in to our own trailer together right after college. But we love each other so much, that we have decided the right thing to do is to put my penis inside Diane's rectum.

DIANE: You could see the relief on their faces.

MIKE: They agreed that it was a completely natural and rational decision. My dad went straight into a sermon about how the modern Church doctrine no longer reflects the beliefs of a majority of its members as far as moral issues go. He even suggested that we use his brand of lube! [Note to advertisers: this product placement spot still available.] But I still hadn't told him that not only was Diane going to take it in the ass, that it would be online. I told him that there was more, and he had better sit down.