MIKE: Diane and I got very little sleep last night. Someone from the website sent us a little gift that we were playing with.

DIANE:It's so much fun that we're thinking that actual sex couldn't be much more fun. It's sort of like sticking your finger in a light bulb socket, but...

MIKE: ... But it's not your finger! Yeah, it's wicked cool. Some day I swear I'll be able to turn that dial all the way to 10. Oh hey, do you think we should get an AIDS test?

DIANE: Oh, Honey, I think we can trust each other not to have any diseases, don't you? I love you so much, I don't see how you could make me sick.

MIKE: Of course I trust you. You know I haven't had sex with anyone at all yet, as long as you don't count masturbation, handjobs, blowjobs, or circle jerks. And it's been at least a year since the last time I shared some stranger's heroin needle.

DIANE: Oh Mike, don't you know that's a myth? You can't get AIDS from heroin. Sometimes you're a bit too credulous. It makes me almost not love you sometimes. You really should pay attention to the facts more.

MIKE: Yes, I know, but they're so troubling most of the time. For that matter, it's also been quite a while since I got that emergency blood transfusion in Thailand from that teenage prostitute. So I think we're probably okay.

DIANE: Do you think we should go to the clinic anyway?

MIKE: Sure! It could be fun! .... Oh, wait. Honey? I realized that I have something to tell you.

DIANE: What is it, sweetums?

MIKE: I think I shook a fag's hand a few weeks ago.

DIANE: Mike! I trusted you! How could you do something like this to me?

MIKE: I just wasn't thinking. I was sharing a table with him at the diner, because they were crowded. We got to talking. He was an "interior architect" and he was real nice, but I think he was probably a homo. Anyway, when he got up to leave he offered his hand, and... I wasn't thinking, I'm so sorry honey... I just shook it.

DIANE: You are a piece of shit.

MIKE: I'm sorry, honey.

DIANE: Well, I guess we have to go get tested after all. All I have to say is you'd better be clean if you know what's good for you.

MIKE: Even though he was gay, he could have had only a mild case of AIDS, so maybe I didn't get it.

DIANE: We can only hope.